SPICE YOUR MARRIAGE

Many claim that they are bored in their marriage and so turn outside or get lured outside. Though unfaithfulness has no excuse, how can two grown adults married to each other with sexual needs, spice up their love and sex life?

1. "Have secret codes"

Call each other secret intimate names that only you two know. This adds thrill between you two.

2. "Have no boundaries on what you can tell each other sexually"

You should express all your sexual thoughts without inhibition to your spouse, not an outsider. No editing your naughtiness.

3. "Don't over spiritualize sex"

Don't over spiritualize love making and your marriage to the point where making love is viewed as less Godly. True spirituality merges with the physical and emotional needs in love making in marriage. A lot of people feel frustrated because their spouse has a negative view towards sex.

4. "Emotionally be available for each other"

Let your spouse be the person you can lean on, the person you can tell how you truly feel. People have an affair with an outsider because they feel emotionally disconnected from their spouse. Stay emotionally connected to your spouse.

5. "Plan for love making"

In affairs, there is a longing, a build up to sex. In marriage, have moments when you two scheme how you will make love. Plan everything. The time, the romance, the use of petals on the floor or extra sweet actions of love, the purchasing of massage oil. Prepare your spouse by telling him/her what you will do to his/her body. Have moments when making love is not the only agenda.

6. "Give each other no stress"

The person people tend to have an affair with don't give stress, instead, they are a stress reliever. Affairs are built on a place to escape to. Don't be the person your spouse wants to escape from but, be the person your spouse wants to run to.

7. "Give your sexual parts a name"

A name that only the two in the marriage know. Secret names make two people feel they have something special going on.

8. "Talk more than domestic stuff"

Don't let your marriage be reduced to talking about domestic issues: house rent, bills, children's report card, bills, chores, responsibilities, in-laws. All these are good but be exciting. Be fun. Talk about life. Joke around. Have a good time. People run to affairs because they are a break from the domestic matters.

9. "Be playful"

Be suggestive. Tease your spouse. 

10. "Flirt"

Alot of flirting goes on in affairs; whether on the phone or face to face. Flirting should take place in your marriage. Talk sexually to your spouse even when you're far from each other. As you cook, or do chores; flirt with each other.

11. "Be secretive"

Don't tell your friends about your sexual marital experiences. Keeping those experiences a secret heightens their thrill. This is why affairs are often kept a secret.

12. "Play music that sets the mood"

Play some love songs, slow jams. Have songs that remind you how that intimate moment last night was sweet. Your marriage will come alive.

13. "Travel"

In affairs, people go for road trips and travel, they book hotels. Do that with your spouse. See the world. Make new experiences.

14. "Have a bedroom make over"

The same look in the bedroom will eventually get boring. After a long while, change the decor and settings of the bedroom to inspire a fresh flame.

15. "Look the part"

Don't get comfortable. Work on looking sexy. Invest in lingerie, stay clean, smell good. Don't be the same old person to your spouse.

Navigating Toxic Workplaces: A Syariah-Guided Approach

The workplace can be a challenging environment, and unfortunately, we may encounter individuals who exhibit toxic behaviors. These behaviors can include:

• Gossiping and backstabbing: Spreading rumors, undermining colleagues, and engaging in destructive criticism.
• Negativity and pessimism: Constantly complaining, finding fault, and creating a draining atmosphere.
• Bullying and intimidation: Using threats, insults, and aggressive behavior to control others.
• Lack of respect and professionalism: Ignoring boundaries, being condescending, and exhibiting poor communication.

While workplace dynamics can be complex, Syariah provides a framework for navigating these challenges with grace and integrity. This framework emphasizes self-preservation, responding with kindness and compassion, and seeking Allah's guidance throughout the process.

Understanding the Root of Toxicity

Before we delve into specific actions, it's crucial to understand that toxic behavior often stems from underlying issues. These can include:

• Personal Struggles: The individual might be dealing with personal challenges like stress, anxiety, or depression, which can manifest in negative behavior.
• Lack of Emotional Intelligence: They may lack the ability to understand and manage their emotions effectively, leading to outbursts or manipulative behavior.
• Past Trauma: Unresolved past experiences can contribute to negative patterns of behavior and difficulty in forming healthy relationships.

Seeking Allah's Guidance: A Foundation for Response

• Dua (Supplication): Regular and sincere supplication to Allah (SWT) is paramount. Seek guidance, strength, and patience in dealing with the situation. Supplicate for the well-being of the toxic individual and for the strength to navigate the situation with wisdom and grace.
  • Examples of relevant duas:
    • Seeking protection from Shaytan: "A'udhu billahi minash-shaytaanir-rajim."
    • Seeking patience: "Allahumma inni as'aluka sabran jamilan wa 'azza'an ajran."
• Istikhara Prayer: Perform Istikhara prayer whenever faced with a difficult decision regarding how to handle the situation. This allows you to seek Allah's guidance on the best course of action.

Protecting Yourself: Prioritizing Well-being

• Physical and Emotional Boundaries:
  • Limit Interaction: Minimize unnecessary interactions with the toxic individual.
  • Communicate Clearly: Set clear boundaries about acceptable behavior. For example, "I am not comfortable with gossip," or "Please refrain from raising your voice."
  • Assert Yourself: Politely but firmly address any inappropriate behavior. This can be done by calmly and assertively stating your concerns.
• Self-Care:
  • Physical Health: Prioritize healthy eating, exercise, and adequate sleep to maintain physical and mental resilience.
  • Emotional Well-being: Engage in activities that bring you joy and peace, such as spending time in nature, reading, or listening to calming music.
  • Seek Support: Connect with supportive friends, family members, or a therapist to discuss your challenges and receive emotional support.

Responding with Islamic Values

• Kindness and Compassion:
  • Forgive: If possible, forgive the individual for their actions. Holding onto resentment can only harm your own peace of mind. Remember the prophetic saying: "The most beloved of people to Allah are those who forgive others."
  • Empathy (with Caution): Try to understand the underlying reasons for their behavior, but remember that this does not excuse their actions.
  • Offer Guidance (with Caution): If appropriate and the situation allows, offer gentle guidance and reminders of Islamic values such as kindness, cooperation, and respect. However, be mindful of your own safety and well-being. This should be done with sincerity and without judgment.
• Focus on Your Character:
  • Maintain Integrity: Remain steadfast in your adherence to Islamic values, even when faced with adversity. This includes maintaining honesty, trustworthiness, and good character.
  • Focus on Positive Contributions: Channel your energy into productive work and positive interactions with other colleagues.

Utilizing Workplace Resources

• Company Policies: Familiarize yourself with company policies on harassment, discrimination, and workplace conduct.
• Human Resources: If the situation warrants, report the issue to HR and seek their assistance in resolving the matter. Document any incidents, including dates, times, and specific details of the toxic behavior.

Remember:

• Patience is Key: Dealing with toxic individuals can be a challenging and ongoing process.
• Trust in Allah: Ultimately, place your trust in Allah (SWT) and know that He will guide you through these challenges. Remember verses from the Quran that emphasize patience and reliance on Allah, such as Surah Al-Baqarah (2:153).

Additional Considerations:

• Seek Guidance from Religious Scholars: Consult with religious scholars for specific guidance tailored to your individual circumstances.
• Consider Mediation or Counseling: In some cases, mediation or counseling may be helpful in resolving conflicts and improving communication.

By understanding the underlying issues, seeking Allah's guidance, prioritizing self-preservation, and responding with kindness and integrity, you can navigate challenging workplace situations with grace and maintain your own well-being while adhering to the principles of Syariah.

Disclaimer: This information is for general guidance only.